Self-Care Is Going To The DMV
THE DILEMMA | Volume 27
WHAT I’M WATCHING
I watched the Pamela Anderson documentary on Netflix (the streamer fucked up so badly this week by sharing their new password policy that they had to back-track said statement in 24 hours) and loved every minute of its two hour run. It is an extremely intimate and vulnerable look at the life of one of the biggest celebrities of the 90s. I didn’t know that much about Pamela going into it: only that she was regarded as a sex icon and that she did not approve of the Hulu series about her sex-tape scandal with Tommy Lee. I didn’t watch the series, mostly because I don’t ever really watch things on Hulu, but I’m glad that I didn’t watch it after hearing her side of the story.
The doc spans her career, from her Playboy beginnings to her breakout role on Baywatch to her stepping away from the spotlight. It also highlights her many tumultuous relationships and marriages. She’s a fascinating person because she’s been ridiculed and tormented in the limelight and yet keeps such a positive attitude throughout everything that has happened. She doesn’t want to be a victim, even though she has largely been abused by the men in her life and the misogyny in the media. The sex-tape scandal is even worse than I could have imagined — how it was stolen from their home, how it was mass-distributed, and how she had to give up on the lawsuit she filed against the distributors because the trial turned into a circus where they tried to place the blame on her for her work in Playboy when she was 18. She says that she is proud of herself for never accepting any money for her sex tape and you can’t help but feel proud of her too.
Her story has a lot of parallels to Emily Ratajowski’s book that I read recently. In hindsight, she can acknowledge what she would do differently as a model and an actress so that she would have more respect from the public. I can’t overstate how often she was asked about her body and how often she was made fun of for her public relationships. She chose to model for Playboy and felt empowered by it, but it is wild how quickly that empowerment turned into shame when her image was in the hands of someone else. She’s come out the other side of it and has used her fame for activism. My favorite part of the documentary was the end, where in the midst of finding out about the Hulu show, she makes her Broadway debut as Roxie in Chicago. It’s a happy ending, which honestly was a bit unexpected given the tone for a majority of the film. Again, it speaks to her resilience and to her spirit, to throw herself into a new experience and make a positive out of a negative. It’s a great documentary, especially considering I didn’t know much about the subject material. You should watch it before Netflix decides to try reinstating its stupid password-sharing policies again.
WHAT I’M LISTENING TO
I have been influenced once more. I saw someone post about Edie Bens on Instagram, I took a little screenshot of it, and then I listened to her EP later on in the week. She is a Welsh pop artist, but I actually think she has more country sensibilities from listening to her few songs she has released. She really loves that acoustic guitar sound, a lot of her lyrics play on words, and she has a twang to her voice that fits the genre. Her music is like a mash-up of Kacey Musgraves and Olivia Rodrigo with a touch of Maren Morris. I like the opener “Head Over Heels,” though it took a few plays to grow on me. It genuinely made me think she was a country artist just from the strumming beat and the way that she takes common phrases and turns them on their head, like with the lyrics “Twist the knife they put in your back / Then look in the fridge for an ice pack.” A little cheesy, but it fits with the romantic idea of giving yourself permission to fall in love again that is prevalent in the song.
I love “Cashmere Sweater” just for the petty nature of it all. Would love to some day call someone out for wearing cashmere sweaters with plaid shorts in a “You’re So Vain” moment. Another banger on the EP is the titular track, “I Don’t Love You Anymore,” which is an unapologetic breakup song. It’s a fresh perspective on not feeling badly for not loving someone anymore and plays in favor of breaking it off if you don’t feel as strongly as you used to. My favorite song of hers is “Had You Never Gone Away.” In sticking with my brand, it’s the saddest off the EP and it’s about holding onto someone who is no longer in your life. The chorus is very cathartic, like the song itself is the process of letting go. She’s a very small artist and it feels like a miracle that I even discovered her EP, but I’m glad I took that creepy screenshot.
WHAT I’M READING
An English professor from college shared this New York Times op-ed about grief by Margaret Renkl and it really touched me. She lost both of her parents but in different ways — her father had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and so she could prepare in some way, whereas her mother died very suddenly overnight. Both led to different journeys with grief and both were profound. I want to keep this short because I think you should read it for yourself.
WHAT I’M EATING
I heard someone say the words “shrimp scampi” and I couldn’t get it out of my head for a couple of weeks. I thought the dish was going to be more complicated, but the New York Times recipe I used was pretty straight forward. I get a little nervous about cooking shrimp just because it is still new to me — I think a good rule is when the shrimp curls into a “C” shape, then you know it is done. Or I might be overcooking it. Either way, this dish was scrumptious and made for excellent leftovers. The only thing I would do differently is adding more lemon to the sauce — I would use the juice of 3/4 of a lemon rather than just half. The fettuccine noodles soaked up the sauce beautifully and it was a creamy and light pasta dish for pasta night.
WHAT I’M FEELING
With my Instagram algorithm continuing to drive me insane, I am seeing a lot of reels about self-care centered around the start of the new year. I think a lot of people conflate self-care with treating yourself. A lot of the self-care videos I see are about having a night-in to pamper yourself with face masks, a bubble bath, and a bottle of wine or about buying yourself a coffee every once in a while you run errands. Both of these are really nice ways to treat yourself and you should absolutely indulge yourself. But is it really self-care? In the long run, what does a bubble bath get you? (Pruney skin, but I digress). Self-care is about taking care of yourself, and in my adult life I have learned that the best way to take care of myself is to do the shit that I don’t want to do. The necessary evils.
For example, my car registration needs renewal every year by January 1st. The past two years I have been late on the payment, but at the very least I make the payment to get on with it. This year, I needed to get a smog check, which I put off for weeks for no reason. It stressed me out every time I got in my car. I finally got the check after a couple of weeks, which took all of 15 minutes and $60. I could immediately feel the burden lift off my shoulders and the anxiety fall away. Until I fucked up my front bumper by hitting a curb. I learned my lesson and got it fixed the next week day, with the $160 penalty but with the relief of being able to drive my car without worrying about it.
This goes for every other adult responsibility I have. I pay all my bills on time. I plan my meals for dinner during the week, even though sometimes I don’t stick to it. I gathered all my tax information this past week. I take a percentage out of my paycheck for my 401k, for my savings account, and to pay down my credit card bill, which often leaves slim pickings for treats. I tidy up my apartment on a weekly basis. I made a general doctor’s appointment a couple weeks ago that won’t happen until April because what the fuck is going on with health care right now! And so on and so forth. All of these things I don’t want to do, but I feel a hell of a lot better once they are done. It really alleviates the stress from my life and gives me space to feel anxious about other things. That’s self-care. Also, does anyone who rents an apartment actually use their bath tub?
MEME OF THE WEEK
I love Hello Kitty. She is that girl. You wouldn’t think that she would possess a firearm, but you know she has to keep the haters in check. I like the innocence in her expression juxtaposed with the hard grip she has on that gun. It’s a good meme to use when you want to threaten people, but like, in a cute way.
